How exciting that we can share our story with Dawn on The ABC’s of Surrogacy! Thank you Dawn for helping spread awareness of family building options and mostly for helping create families.
Our first misconception was having a baby would be easy peasy. The real stress would come 9 months later after the baby arrives right? Like many couples that face life’s challenges we were very much blind sighted as to what was in store for us. Shortly after Chris and I said our vows, we were thrown into a challenge we never thought we would have to face. He had a brain tumor. One that was very sneaky and great at hiding from the neurosurgeons. We even named it Phil, why Phil? No clue but none the less we fought him and won the battle two craniotomies later. Life events like that change perspectives; they alter your priorities and way of thinking. After staring down the risk of losing each other, the need to start a family sharpened in our focus. We both knew and understood all too well that life is a gift we receive every new morning we awake.
We have an all too familiar infertile rap sheet though. I’ll spare the history but it involved 7 years of procedures, surgeries, sharp pointy needles, an empty bank account and a trash can filled with disappointment from negative pregnancy tests. It wasn’t until 3 years ago we came out to our families and really to the world about our broken plumbing. I started a blog and shared our story from both perspectives, his and hers. That is when a MTV casting producer came across our story. They followed us for almost a year. They captured our 6th failed IVF round, followed us through our adoption pursuits and then ended the show where we met our surrogate. Surrogacy was on our neva-gonna-happen list. Another misconception we had. We whole heartedly thought that it was only for the rich and powerful or for those who have someone willing to do it free of charge.
We are neither rich nor powerful and our surrogacy is for the most part commercial. Personally, I hate that term (commercial surrogacy) because I truly believe that it takes someone with an altruistic heart and intention to carry for a childless couple. So we took a risk and put all of our eggs in one basket. Literally, because I had been seeing an oncologist over the years. My risk for uterine cancer was so great that I needed to have a hysterectomy shortly after we transferred our remaining two embryos to our surrogate. I had no womb and heart filled with hope. We fundraised and did everything possible to make it happen. That hope, risk, craziness, drive or whatever you want to call it paid off. We are now expecting a little girl in June via gestational carrier. Surrogacy has given us the chance at parenthood. That one selfless act will change our lives forever.
Candace and Chris from MTV’s True Life documentary, “I’m Desperate to Have a Baby” and Our Misconception Blog
Showing posts with label guest(s). Show all posts
Showing posts with label guest(s). Show all posts
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Who to Choose First – the IVF Clinic or Surrogacy Agency?
by Richard Westoby
From the series, Our Guide to Surrogacy in the U.S.
Knowing what I now know, this is a super simple question to answer. Without hesitation I recommend that you pick the Doctor first, then the clinic then the people that will help you with the rest of the process!
I very much doubt that you would go for heart surgery by choosing the hospital without researching the Doctor performing the surgery, so why create your family any differently? Research your Doctor, check their pregnancy success rates, live birth rates, how many transfers they do, single or twin transfers and most importantly TALK TO THEM – you must follow your instinct. If you like the Doctor that is wonderful, if not then find one that you do.
At the time we were making the choice of which route to go first we had no idea what we were supposed to be doing! We naively believed that by getting in touch with an agency we would be guided by them to make the right choices.
Not necessarily so. I might be tarring all agencies with the same brush but bear in mind that what is in the best interest of the agency is not necessarily in your best interest. Two classic examples are where you are "guided" towards an IVF clinic that just happens to have a tie-in to the agency! Or they guide you towards an insurance broker in which they just happen to have a minority stake.... Surrogacy is a business, and a profitable one, so make sure you know who does what, how they fit in to the picture and make decisions that are right for you.
At the same time, I have also heard that some IVF clinics are trying to get more involved in the whole puzzle and are starting to act like a surrogacy agency by matching patients and surrogates. That is wrong too, but when money is talking it is amazing what ideas start cropping up. I also think that agencies should not have egg donor banks as typically the egg donors have not been medically screened for their viability in producing suitable quality or quantity of eggs and you an get your heart set on a donor that ultimately doesn't work.
So, in a nutshell I think let the agency find you a surrogate, look after all the paperwork, manage your escrow account and basically handle all of the "case management" bureaucracy. And let the IVF clinic medically screen and assess the suitability of the egg donors and evaluate them before you see them. Let the clinic manage the IVF protocols (drug doses etc) and do the retrieval, fertilisation and transfer... after all that is why you are paying each of them a vast sum of money!
I believe that your Doctor is THE most important part of making your IVF family so maybe I'm missing something but I say let the Doctor do the medical stuff and let the agency do the legal stuff... After all that is what they should be good at doing.
About Richard
Richard and his partner Steven undertook surrogacy in the United States and learned everything about the process during the process. Since the twins were born, Richard has become an advocate helping prospective parents (both gay and straight) learn more about surrogacy in general but predominantly about doing it in the US. In doing so Richard aims to help parents make informed decisions from the outset which should hopefully save them not only a lot of hassle but also a lot of money.
Richard has always had a fascination with biology and on the back of his experiences and his advocacy work he now also helps US fertility clinics in the UK reach out to prospective parents.
Richard's basic step-by-step guide featured in the We are Family Magazine Winter 2013 edition. Richard is also actively involved within the UK gay dads community in organisations such as GaySurrogacyUK and Families Thru Surrogacy.
Biography and photo courtesy of Richard Westoby and www.guidetosurrogacy.com
Follow Richard on Twitter @RW1602
Buy, "Our Journey: One Couple's Guide to U.S. Surrogacy" available now!
From the series, Our Guide to Surrogacy in the U.S.
Knowing what I now know, this is a super simple question to answer. Without hesitation I recommend that you pick the Doctor first, then the clinic then the people that will help you with the rest of the process!
I very much doubt that you would go for heart surgery by choosing the hospital without researching the Doctor performing the surgery, so why create your family any differently? Research your Doctor, check their pregnancy success rates, live birth rates, how many transfers they do, single or twin transfers and most importantly TALK TO THEM – you must follow your instinct. If you like the Doctor that is wonderful, if not then find one that you do.
At the time we were making the choice of which route to go first we had no idea what we were supposed to be doing! We naively believed that by getting in touch with an agency we would be guided by them to make the right choices.
Not necessarily so. I might be tarring all agencies with the same brush but bear in mind that what is in the best interest of the agency is not necessarily in your best interest. Two classic examples are where you are "guided" towards an IVF clinic that just happens to have a tie-in to the agency! Or they guide you towards an insurance broker in which they just happen to have a minority stake.... Surrogacy is a business, and a profitable one, so make sure you know who does what, how they fit in to the picture and make decisions that are right for you.
At the same time, I have also heard that some IVF clinics are trying to get more involved in the whole puzzle and are starting to act like a surrogacy agency by matching patients and surrogates. That is wrong too, but when money is talking it is amazing what ideas start cropping up. I also think that agencies should not have egg donor banks as typically the egg donors have not been medically screened for their viability in producing suitable quality or quantity of eggs and you an get your heart set on a donor that ultimately doesn't work.
So, in a nutshell I think let the agency find you a surrogate, look after all the paperwork, manage your escrow account and basically handle all of the "case management" bureaucracy. And let the IVF clinic medically screen and assess the suitability of the egg donors and evaluate them before you see them. Let the clinic manage the IVF protocols (drug doses etc) and do the retrieval, fertilisation and transfer... after all that is why you are paying each of them a vast sum of money!
I believe that your Doctor is THE most important part of making your IVF family so maybe I'm missing something but I say let the Doctor do the medical stuff and let the agency do the legal stuff... After all that is what they should be good at doing.
Richard and his partner Steven undertook surrogacy in the United States and learned everything about the process during the process. Since the twins were born, Richard has become an advocate helping prospective parents (both gay and straight) learn more about surrogacy in general but predominantly about doing it in the US. In doing so Richard aims to help parents make informed decisions from the outset which should hopefully save them not only a lot of hassle but also a lot of money.
Richard has always had a fascination with biology and on the back of his experiences and his advocacy work he now also helps US fertility clinics in the UK reach out to prospective parents.
Richard's basic step-by-step guide featured in the We are Family Magazine Winter 2013 edition. Richard is also actively involved within the UK gay dads community in organisations such as GaySurrogacyUK and Families Thru Surrogacy.
Biography and photo courtesy of Richard Westoby and www.guidetosurrogacy.com
Follow Richard on Twitter @RW1602
Buy, "Our Journey: One Couple's Guide to U.S. Surrogacy" available now!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Why We Chose Surrogacy in the U.S.
by Richard Westoby
From the series, Our Guide to Surrogacy in the U.S.
Surrogacy in the US is definitely the most expensive place to go through the process and I am regularly asked why chose it instead of doing it in a “cheaper” jurisdiction. We had the choice of going to multiple countries namely the US, Thailand, the Ukraine, Georgia and India. India is now not an option for same-sex couples (as the law is changing), but why the US?
In all honesty the answer is very simple – we felt that the tried and tested legal framework in the US would offer us and our children the best protection. The US is a country where surrogacy has been going for years and as such it is an “understood” concept.
We wanted our family to be created in a country where we would be recognised as the parents of the children immediately and have all of the associated rights.
In the UK surrogacy contracts are unenforceable and the surrogate mother has rights for the first 6 weeks of the child’s life. We felt that Eastern Europe and Thailand were not advanced enough for us to gain the level of comfort we wanted and that left the US.
About Richard
Richard and his partner Steven undertook surrogacy in the United States and learned everything about the process during the process. Since the twins were born, Richard has become an advocate helping prospective parents (both gay and straight) learn more about surrogacy in general but predominantly about doing it in the US. In doing so Richard aims to help parents make informed decisions from the outset which should hopefully save them not only a lot of hassle but also a lot of money.
Richard has always had a fascination with biology and on the back of his experiences and his advocacy work he now also helps US fertility clinics in the UK reach out to prospective parents.
Richard's basic step-by-step guide featured in the We are Family Magazine Winter 2013 edition. Richard is also actively involved within the UK gay dads community in organisations such as GaySurrogacyUK and Families Thru Surrogacy.
Biography and photo courtesy of Richard Westoby and www.guidetosurrogacy.com
Follow Richard on Twitter @RW1602
Buy, "Our Journey: One Couple's Guide to U.S. Surrogacy" available now!
From the series, Our Guide to Surrogacy in the U.S.
Surrogacy in the US is definitely the most expensive place to go through the process and I am regularly asked why chose it instead of doing it in a “cheaper” jurisdiction. We had the choice of going to multiple countries namely the US, Thailand, the Ukraine, Georgia and India. India is now not an option for same-sex couples (as the law is changing), but why the US?
In all honesty the answer is very simple – we felt that the tried and tested legal framework in the US would offer us and our children the best protection. The US is a country where surrogacy has been going for years and as such it is an “understood” concept.
We wanted our family to be created in a country where we would be recognised as the parents of the children immediately and have all of the associated rights.
In the UK surrogacy contracts are unenforceable and the surrogate mother has rights for the first 6 weeks of the child’s life. We felt that Eastern Europe and Thailand were not advanced enough for us to gain the level of comfort we wanted and that left the US.
Richard and his partner Steven undertook surrogacy in the United States and learned everything about the process during the process. Since the twins were born, Richard has become an advocate helping prospective parents (both gay and straight) learn more about surrogacy in general but predominantly about doing it in the US. In doing so Richard aims to help parents make informed decisions from the outset which should hopefully save them not only a lot of hassle but also a lot of money.
Richard has always had a fascination with biology and on the back of his experiences and his advocacy work he now also helps US fertility clinics in the UK reach out to prospective parents.
Richard's basic step-by-step guide featured in the We are Family Magazine Winter 2013 edition. Richard is also actively involved within the UK gay dads community in organisations such as GaySurrogacyUK and Families Thru Surrogacy.
Biography and photo courtesy of Richard Westoby and www.guidetosurrogacy.com
Follow Richard on Twitter @RW1602
Buy, "Our Journey: One Couple's Guide to U.S. Surrogacy" available now!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
share this post »